Dating controlling men
This is a special case of projective identification as described above.
The bully gets someone to feel and act out his or her fear so the bully doesn't have to.
The perpetrator usually gets a reprieve ("to prove he means it") and the backsliding begins immediately.
Counseling can help to deal with these issues before they become a greater problem or even rise to the level of abuse.
If we can recognise the warning signs of a domestic abuser, or someone who is likely to have an abusive personality, we can save ourselves (and our loved ones) a lot of grief and heartache.
This leads the target to forget about normal risk assessment.
Even if the two people have a common problem, it is unlikely that 1) it is really urgent, 2) they have a best solution in common, and 3) joint action is necessary.
However, the longer you are with your boyfriend, you may start to see indications of a controlling personality.